Muy Caliente

The other night, Geneveive and I went to a bar called 3014 to see our friend, DJ Squirt, work his magic.  I decided to invite The Columbian along.


We ran into some old friends, made some new acquaintances (that bought us drinks, naturally) and The Columbian showed up about 5 minutes after last call, downed my PBR, and stood dangerously close to me the entire time.  That man smells so good it should be a crime.


Our new friends (the ones that bought us drinks) decided they wanted pancakes.  Some how this turned into us going to their house- less than a block away from my house- and cooked for them in their kitchen.  I'm still trying to figure that one out.


It was awkward, but The Columbian was quite entertaining.  And he kept a small bottle of rum in his back pocket which I had to help myself to quite frequently- especially after having to listen to a man from Gahanna drunkenly talk about his "homies" and show me his Colorado drivers license.  I still have no idea what he was talking about.


When the pancake batter ran out and there were no clean measuring spoons left (because they had no utensils to eat with) we called it a night... well almost.


Genevieve headed home and The Columbian and I sat in his car, sipping on rum and deciding where our night would take us next.  He was parked behind my house so finally I stated the obvious and let him come up.  


There's really no good way to end this story- other than to say I never kiss and tell, and watching the sunrise was lovely. Hah.


<3,
Sarah


PS- Who else loves Dirty Dancing Havana Nights?  Hands in the air.  Or leave me a comment.

Blah Blah Blah and Whatever

"One time I got in a fight at Rock Bar."
"Mmm, interesting."
"Yeah, this guy was all 'move outta my way' and blah blah blah and I was all 'yeah right' and blah blah blah.  So I just stood there.  And he pushed me and blah blah blah and whatever and I was like 'hell no, i'm staying put' so I just stood there and whatever.  And he pushed me again and I was all 'you're being annoying!' So he punch me and I punched him back and whatever.  The bouncers totally threw him out and not me and blah blah blah."
"Oh so you're the manliest then."
"Yeah, well I'm the tallest at least."

That was how my date went Saturday night. I was so looking forward to it too.  The VIP was well written, intelligent and witty on paper.  Our emails were insightful and entertaining, his pictures were attractive; everything should've been unicorns, rainbows and floating hearts.

Instead he showed up an hour late, I had to buy the movie tickets and he was totally out of it the entire time.  I had to lead him into the theater while he was in his own little world.  Since we were late there were no two seats next to each other so, while he leaned against the wall and watched the movie, I had to go ask some people to move so we could sit down.  Afterwards, the credits started rolling and he just sat there and watched the screen.  He didn't even move!  I, once again, had to guide him out of the theater.

He's a snowboarder so I'm not sure if he's just hit his head one too many times or if he was high.  I don't know.  But that guy was weird.  And everytime he said "blah blah blah" or "and whatever" I wanted to stab myself in the eye.

He intrigues me though.  Not in a romantic sense, but because he was so strange and either in a completely different world or yammering on and on about nothing.

To recap:
I didn't get anything for free.
I washed my hair for nothing.
I wanted to stab myself in the eye. 
I would totally go out with him agian, if he asked.

<3,
Sarah

Real Unidentified Like a Dammm Alien

I seem to have lost The Scientist and I'm trying to convince myself that I'm OK with that.  I mean, my "Break Up Songs Playlist" has yet to drone out of my speakers and my chocolate intake hasn't increased, but still- kinda sucks.

In happier news, I THOUGHT I struck out by breaking my own "Steps to a Successful Math.com date"** with a very handsome young man we'll refer to as The VIP.  I initiated the real life date, which I never do.  I gave him my number, hit send, and ate some chocolate.  His response? "I'll be in touch."  That usually translates to: "don't hold your breath succkkaa!"  But surprise surprise, he called me last night and we're going to go get our 3D on, Tim Burton style, on Saturday.  

Now that business is out of the way, howzabout a little fun?  I present you with the greatest message I've yet to receive.  Thank you Switch743.  You are a true gentleman:

(Please read out loud and in the greatest "urban accent" you can muster.)

SUBJECT: EYYYYYYYYYYYYYYY

Wuz crackin Mizzzz?
I find you attractive.. two ways? 

Wanna know how? Ok. lol 

You got real nice colorings I like you eyes smile N hair color

N You personality Is real Unidentified like a dammm alien..

Which is interesting N to me attractive..

Things you wrote made me laugh.. Ok well adios shawty..

Holla at me? 

~Switch~

We're obviously going out next week and I fully expect a marriage within the year.
<3,
Sarah

PS- Thank you to Elise at Without Rhyme or Reason for linking to us a few weeks ago!  Can't believe I'm just now returning the shout out.  I can be such a boob sometimes.  These men are turning my brain to jelly.

PPS- I have no idea who the guy in the picture is (guys on Match are not that attractive), nor do I care.  I just wanna look at him some more.


PPSS- I'm sorry, but Switch and I aren't actually going to go out.

**A post detailing this guide to a happy internet love connection will be compiled forthwith.  Please stay tuned.

I Think You're Cute

As Sarah has informed you ever avid readers... there has been a strange ruckus in the Less Than Three camp. This new found confidence has spilled over into our daily lives. I find it quite invigorating. I now can't help but make the unsuspecting bank teller stammer over his words when I wink at him, our new sound engineer grin when I relentlessly flirt or shoot a nonchalant smile with some coy eyes to the stocker in the produce section while I shop.

I've been dropping the F bomb a bit more regularly, smoking a few more cigarettes and listening to Heartbreaker by MSTRKRFT on repeat... All in good manipulative fun of course. It evokes a sense of empowerment that I have found to love and seems to drive the gentlemen mad.

One cute bar tender has made some appearances in my life recently... and I still can't quite figure out how I feel about it the situation. Shannon, the assistant to the CEO at my work, and I went out for Julie's, our Front Office Manager, 30th birthday last Saturday. I happened to have a few classes with one of the bar tenders at the joint we were at and caught up with him while I ordered. As I was sipping my Gin & Tonic I looked up just in time to make awkward eye contact with one of the other bar tenders... I looked up AGAIN and this time he was staring. I got a little twitterpated, smiled and looked away.

When we went up to order more drinks, he took mine. After handing me my drink he introduced himself with a courteous hand shake,
"Hi my name is Paul."
"Oh hi, my name is Genevieve."
"I love that name."

My heart started to beat quite rapidly, I couldn't keep eye contact. By this point I was a little confused, what bar tender introduces himself to the 100th person he's served that night? We stayed seated at the bar and he continued to talk to me in between orders... but we weren't shooting the breeze. It felt like first date questions. After I got back from the bathroom, Shannon was convinced Paul was talking about me to my friend Chris, the other bar tender. I denied it and told her to quite egging me on. Yet sure enough he came up to me after another order and asked if I liked having music classes with Chris. It kept progressing and progressing to the point where I looked down and saw a piece of paper by my hands. I opened it to a note that read, "I think you're cute." I smiled to myself, wrote my number down and passed it back across the bar.

Shannon and I closed the bar down that night. We stayed well past last call and of course ate some food with the staff. When 2:30 hit I insisted that we go and he offered to walk us to the door. The minute we were outside, I let out a squeal that I'm sure he heard.

We've hung out a few more times this week... I mean he is nice to look at and all;)

Winds of Change

A strange thing has been happening over here at Less Than Three.  Genevieve and I have never exactly been those girls to pick up guys in bars or flirt our ways into a nice fellow's good graces.  But since signing up for Match.com, not only are we getting internet winks, but real life winks from real life boys too!

I sit next to this boy in my Comparative Politics class.  We'll call him The Columbian... because he's from Columbia.  I smoothed talked him into giving me salsa lessons.  When I said it would be a slow and painful process he looked at me through intense, dark eyes and with a thick Latin accent said "I am brave."  Oh. My.

Genevieve was at a bar one night and a rather dashing young bartender slid a note her way that read "I think you're cute."  The rest is history.  She'll update you more in own words later.

So the moral of the story is this: We're still holding to our original Match.com mission, but here and there, should the occasion arise, we'll be sprinkling in some non internet love affairs- as long as they're entertaining and come with a great nickname.

You're Perfect!... For My Best Friend

Well, this week has been a bit more successful. Despite being ridiculously busy (the kind where you sit down and your chest is tight from the constant, nagging anxiety you're under) at work and socially over committed, I managed to schedule another date.

His name was Adam and he's an adorable Apple Genius. We chatted a bit through a few emails and each one revealed more and more of his quirky personality. I liked it. He quickly got to the point and asked if I wanted to join him for a meal at Maggiano's. My first thought was, "Is this senior prom?", but when he explained it was one of his favorite restaurants and that he would enjoy good food with good company, my heart melted just a lil bit.

Tuesday night came and I tried to dress as geek chic as possible (his profile picture featured a calculator watch). Sporting a red pencil skirt and some Keds, I strutted my way into the restaurant. There he was, with a great build for someone my height, cute Weezer glasses and a pea coat. He proceeded with a side hug and motioned me to a comfy booth.

The conversation was great. He picked up where I left off, I asked ridiculous questions, he came back with snappy comments... but then it got interesting. Over some spaghetti and meat balls he talked about always going to bed before 11:30 (I don't usually get off of work until midnight on the weekends), how he hated the outdoors (I love to get out and run) and that he enjoyed anything and everything online (I'm ridiculously social). Yet every time he said these things I thought, "Huh, he'd get along perfectly with Sarah." And by the end of the meal I was convinced. Sarah and Adam should go out.

We left Maggiano's at 9:30, because he was tired and needed to go to bed. There was a quick hug before we parted ways to our separate cars. I then immediately called Sarah. She asked how it went, I said he was great, but there just wasn't that attraction there for me. I told her how I thought Adam was her Match. She agreed. And then we made a pact...

"Hey Adam,

I just wanted to write and say that I had a fun time last night:) Thanks for the good company and dinner.

So, strangely enough, while we were sitting there chatting I couldn't help but think how great you'd be matched up with my best friend. I know it sounds crazy, but I really think you two would hit it off!

Here's her Match profile (we're in each other's pictures, so you can compare and see that I'm not lying to you, haha). Shout her a holla, I'm sure she wouldn't mind;)

Cheers,
Genevieve"

I say that has to be the message of his life.

Back in the Saddle Fools

Sorry for the lack of updates.  Match.com is an exhausting process.  The winks, the messages, the horrible first dates, the attempt to squelch feelings for someone who is so wrong for you on paper and yet makes the corners of your mouth curl upward whenever you think of him.  Oh my.

So I've been sending and receiving a hefty amount of emails on good ol' Match.  Most of them are painful.  Let me back track and explain my method.  I know I said I'd give everyone a fair chance, but in reality if I did that, I would spend countless hours in cheesy restaurants listening to men yammer on while I long for my house shoes and bag of peanut butter M&Ms I have stashed in my desk drawer.  Therefore, some standards had to be set.  Basically, if anyone winks at me, they are not guaranteed an email.  It's basically the lazy and cowardly way of saying hi, so I really don't feel obligated to respond to any of them.  However, if they're at all dreamy or if I automatically assign them a nickname, they get an email from me (which usually leads to a date and an entertaining post for you to read).  Everyone that sends an email, however, gets one back.  This has been the difficult part as these boys have absolutely no social skills.  I can't tell you how many times I've sent a well thought out email full of intelligent quips and witty questions about their lives only to receive a one sentence response answering all my questions; asking none in return.  Those fellows do not get a response.  I can only imagine what a date with them would be like.

So with this new system in place I've been busily typing away correspondence and effectively avoiding my homework altogether.  But it's a social experiment, damn it.  It's worth it.

Last night I hopped offline and actually went out with one of these young hooligans.  The Man in the Plaid Shirt.  I was so excited about this one.  His emails were entertaining, he seemed intelligent and witty, he owned his own successful business in the music industry.  I had built the date up so much in my mind that prior to the meet up I was sure I was going to throw up.  But Genevieve gave me a pep talk, I swallowed down the impending vomit, and walked into the coffee shop confidently (ok, sorta confidently).  First of all, not only did I get there before him (hate that.  I'm much better at making entrances), but the entire place of empty.  So I stood around waiting for him and thinking about how awkward it was going to be- just me, him and the cheesy venetian decorations.

He walked in the door about a minute later, wearing a wide brimmed fedora and a long army green pea coat thing.  He looked like fucking paleontologist.  I decided to look past that fact and say hello anyway.  He said "hi" and shook my hand, which was weird enough, but it was one of those "I really don't want to touch you so I'm going to leave a space of air between our palms and just gently touch your fingers" kind of hand shakes.  Without another word, he looked to the counter and said "I need to order."  He didn't say another word to me until he had done just that.  He didn't even ask if I wanted anything!  So I just stood there, glaring at him thinking "douche bag, douche bag, DOUCHE BAG!"

When we sat down it was time to get down to business.  Literally.  I felt like I was in a business meeting for the next two hours.  I propped my head up on my hand as I listened to him rave about "A Mighty Wind" (and accost me for not seeing it), name drop and explain his business in gross detail.  The whole time I was thinking "I cannot believe I washed my hair for this."

We parted ways around 9:30.  He actually gave me a hug but it was about as pathetic as his handshake.  When I finally sat down in my car I realized how hungry I was.  I had run before the date and hadn't eaten anything afterwards.  My hands started shaking and my head was buzzing.  So I did what any logical girl-about-town would do and call The Scientist.  He and I went to a cafe about a block from his house and he watched me devour a mass amount of hummus and pizza all by myself; the best part was it never felt like he was judging me for literally stuffing my face in front of him.

I'm growing fond of this fellow.  I truly am.  He tells me I'm like Liz Lemon but better, how can I resist?  It's not a perfect match, and I'm not totally sold on the idea, but it's growing on me.  Slowly.

<3,
Sarah